Subbing with a hardcore orchestra

The other bassoonist in my community orchestra is a first year performance major, and plays 2nd (mostly) in the university's symphony. She got sick, and I got asked to sub in until she recovers. My first rehearsal was last night, and wow, what an experience. It's been a long time since I've played in a group that consisted solely of people that were better than me. I've forgotten how far the gulf is between serious high level players (mostly students, but likely many future professionals, I'd guess) and dilettantes like me. The music is hard, the tempos are fast, and everyone is perfectly in tune... except me. Apparently the level of sloppiness that I usually get away with sticks out like a sore thumb here. I'm sightreading, trying to more or less keep up and not get too lost, but the expectation is that every phrase and dynamic be right, not to mention the notes and the pitches. Very much a learning experience.

The first piece up was Verdi, the Force of Destiny. This is the one tune for which I'm subbing on 1st. I'm a little nervous, since I want to make a reasonable impression. The principal player is an extraordinary young bassoonist, national youth orchestra and many awards, and I think I'm most worried about my impression on him. Why I'd care about what someone half my age thinks I don't know, but I do. The conductor says "Let's separate the men from the boys" and begins a few bars before N, where the violins do a light fast tripletey thing, against which low strings and solo bassoon (me!) do a counterpoint. So my first notes here are supposed to be a solo. Separate the men from the boys indeed, although the conductor probably wasn't referring to me. I don't know the music, I don't know if it's in 2 or 4, I don't know the conductor's beat, I don't know where to come in, I can't hear the cellos, and I care too much about the first impression. I'm so nervous I'm shaking, which doesn't help. In addition to missing most of the notes, and probably playing in the wrong spot, my tone was weak and tentative, which somehow seems worse. So not an auspicious start, by any means. First impression has been made. Still, by the end of the evening I felt as though I'd done a few things right, here and there. And apparently I wasn't so terrible that they don't want to see me again - there'll be room for me at the show, in an uncovered 3rd part on one piece even if their real bassoonist recovers in time. So, all in all, very positive.

Still, that experience of playing under pressure, in terror. If I could can that terror, put it in a box so that I could take it out and play under those conditions whenever I wanted, it'd be very useful I think. Not all the time of course, but some of the time, for practice. Next up for me will be this evening, when I rehearse with a pianist who's kindly agreed to help me play Mozart next week. I've been practicing for this by recording run-throughs, one a day, no stops or fixes, just the best I can. Even this makes me pretty nervous, and most have had a complete train wreck somewhere. I think I'm in trouble.

Christmas season is over

Last night we played at the Legislature, our final concert of the Christmas season. It was a very ringy space, a marble rotunda about 5 stories high, which gave about a full quarter note of sustain after every cutoff. I kind of liked it, even if the ring was mostly trumpet, I thought it worked well for Christmas music.

In playing with the orchestra, recently I've been mostly focusing on overtones. I often have a hard time hearing myself play, with the brass right behind me and another bassoonist next to me, so I push as hard as I can, go for a bright sound, and listen to the texture, trying to find my contribution to the wash of harmonics. Even if my own sound is being lost as a unique voice in the mix (and it's hard for me to know how true that is) I'm still a part of the color of the sound, and I can place my overtones in among the overtones of every other player. Not everything is like this, obviously, but a lot of the Christmas music is pretty thickly scored. I focusing on overtones after I got back from Thanksgiving, where I'd been playing for a couple weeks entirely on my own, no ensemble at all. My first notes with the group were kind of a shock, in terms of not being able to hear myself in the way I was used to. So I started just listening to sound and color, at least in the loud parts.

And this morning, I practiced alone, the first in a few weeks of focused woodshedding before my first rehearsal on Mozart, which could be as soon as Jan 11. I'll post some recordings soon, as a check on where I'm at. Really nervous about the whole thing. I'm worried that it'll suck, or that it'll get cancelled to avoid sucking. Either way would be terrible, though of course everyone will be very nice regardless. The only solution is to do the best I can.

Other bassoonists

There was a bassoon gathering set up at the university by a local pro this weekend. I was looking forward to it, but with some trepidation. This would, after all, be my first impression for many of the serious players in town. I played in the opening recital, a piece my son wrote. I think people liked it, mostly from the novelty of new music, plus the father-son story and the fact that he's a kid. I didn't play it particularly well, missing a bunch of attacks and having at least one giant out-of-control squeak. The pianist did a credible job, though, with no rehearsal. After the recital there were ensembles. This began a little confused, since there were divisions by skill level, which we were supposed to organize ourselves. Since the "intermediate" room looked rather full, I ended up going into the "advanced" room, which started rather empty, but ended up with a senior performance major, another local pro, and me. I picked the third part on everything (Weissenborn trios, something I can't remember, and a Take Five arrangement) and did my best to keep up and not get lost, even when I was splatting every low attack and muffing every run. It was a ton of fun, even if I was low man on the totem pole, and I felt that playing with people better than me immediately made me sound better. Maybe that's just because I got to listen to their playing, but hopefully I was adjusting and leveling up a bit too. What they thought of me I have no idea, everyone is always extremely polite, but for better or worse, I've now made my first impression.